Man Discourages His Girlfriend from Running a Marathon, Putting Her Down for Her Lack of Experience: ‘You’re not taking it seriously enough’

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Sep 2, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

Welcome, tea lovers from across the web. If your partner takes an interest in one of your hobbies, it can be difficult not to feel a bit protective or possessive over the 'right' way to do things, ultimately driving them away from both the potential shared activity and the even relationship. For example, if you are a big Harry Potter fan, you might feel compelled to convince your interested partner to read the books first or to do a 20-hour Harry Potter Marathon. But if you really want your partner to be interested in your interests, it is important to let them go at their own pace, and if that means watching one Harry Potter movie a month, so be it.

In our story today, a serious runner attempts to dissuade his girlfriend from participating in a half marathon. Because it is her first race, she is okay with walking or jogging most of the way. Put off by her lack of interest in training hard and aiming for an impressive time, he belittles her attempts to step out of her comfort zone and try something new. Read below for the full tea. 

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  • 01
    r/AmltheA u/theunrealisticmeme • 2d AITA for not "being supportive" of my girlfriend's decision of running a half- marathon?
    via u/theunrealisticmeme
  • 02
    I (28M) have a gf (28F) that just recently decided to sign up for a half-marathon come December. The reason why she signed up is because she doesn't want to go to an event that's also happening that day so she has a built-in excuse (That's pretty wild to me). She asked me beforehand and I told her I thought that was a bad idea. She doesn't like running (nor does she runs) and she could find another excuse that isn't running a half-marathon. She still signed up anyways. She then told me that she
    via u/theunrealisticmeme
  • 03
    Here's the thing, I'm a runner in an elite running club, I've run over a dozen half-marathons and countless 5ks and 10ks in my life. This summer I ran a 10k and a half-marathon. I finished 5th overall in the 10k, and 12th in my category for the half- marathon. I'm by no means a "good" runner (good as in make a living running) but I do know what I'm talking about.
    via u/theunrealisticmeme
  • 04
    She's often talked about wanting to get "in shape" which I've always encouraged but never pushed for (it's not my place). About a month ago she started to go to Barre classes and she's enjoying them quite a bit (I've gone with her a couple times too), so I assumed that going to Barre classes was the final motivation she needed to sign up for the half- marathon.
    via u/theunrealisticmeme
  • 05
    Anyways, I advised her to start walking and jogging now before she starts the 12-weeks program. I told her that she needs to build a cardio-base before she takes on a half-marathon program that includes jogging, repetitions, intervals, long-distance, hills, etc. She doesn't want to because she's not willing to stop going to Barre classes and she gets tired doing two workouts a day. I told her that a half- marathon is a lot mileage and that she needed to get extra prepared so she doesn't get inju
    via u/theunrealisticmeme
  • 06
    "good time" and just that she wants to finish, even if it's walking. Also that she has a cardio base from playing basketball growing up (she stopped playing basketball 8 years ago). I told her that she made this commitment and that she should take it more seriously, 12-weeks for a half-marathon is a pretty standard program when you have been running and you want to hit your peak in the race, not when you're about to start from scratch.
    via u/theunrealisticmeme
  • 07
    That was the last straw and she got really upset with me saying that I was trying to put her down, not being supportive of her, and that it's not easy for her when her boyfriend is in great shape and she isn't. At that point I apologized for making her feel that way and that I would drop it. I do feel that I need to find a better way to approach it but I want to know was I the ? û 6,672 3,312 ୪
    via u/theunrealisticmeme
  • 08
    rmrico • 2d Pooperintendant [60] YTA. I told her that she made this commitment and that she should take it more seriously, She's not marrying running, she signed up for a half- marathon. Best case scenario is that it kicks her and she takes it more seriously next time, worst case is that she bails halfway into it or has to walk it out if she's determined to finish. Reply 3.9k
    via u/rmric0
  • 09
    Twisted Tyromancy • 1d Best case scenario is she walks most of it but has a good time. Even walking 13 miles in one go is nothing to sneeze at for some one that hasn't trained. She'll get some good exercise, have a good time, and come away with a sense of accomplishment. 153
    via u/Twisted_Tyromancy
  • 10
    notmappedout. 2d Certified Proctologist [23] YTA, but it's not that big of a deal she's telling you how she feels about the race: She said she's not interested in achieving a "good time" and just that she wants to finish, even if it's walking. but you're coming at this from the perspective of someone who thinks races are serious business.
    via u/notmappedout
  • 11
    I told her that she made this commitment and that she should take it more seriously she justs want to do this to do this. she doesn't want to take it too seriously. she wants to enjoy it and do it at her own pace on her own time. ← Reply 19.1k
    via u/notmappedout
  • 12
    FREESARCASM_plustax⚫ 2d I did a 10 miler while recovering from pneumonia and my BFF was 6 months pregnant. We stopped for donuts and still didn't finish last. Some people just want to have fun. (And also the swag was a crown.) 2.9k
    via u/FREESARCASM_plustax
  • 13
    princessofperky • 1d . Pooperintendant [66] I did a disneyland 10k 6 weeks after a concussion. I cried and glued myself to the pacers. I did not care how slow I was I just wanted to cross the finish line. I've also walked a couple half marathons....just time to spend with a friend. Everyone is doing the same distance. Other people just get there before me lol 1k
    via u/princessofperky
  • 14
    StarboardSeat ⚫ 1d Partassipant [1] "Everyone is doing the same distance. Other people just get there before me lol" What an excellent perspective! ...
    via u/StarboardSeat
  • 15
    angryspec 1d . Yeah I was kind of on board with what he was saying until he got to the "she just wants to finish, even if it's walking", like dude just let her do her own thing. This is coming from someone who used to run every day, and also hated every minute of it lol. 218
    via u/angryspec
  • 16
    boxing_coffee • 1d This. The fact that he doesn't consider himself a good runner because he can't or at least doesn't make a living off of it is quite telling. He is, at the very least, a really good runner - the people making money off of it are literally professional runners. The idea that we have to competitively get good at things to enjoy is toxic. It is fine if YOU want to compete but let her enjoy just finishing the race. 55
    via u/boxing_coffee
  • 17
    evelbug. 2d Pooperintendant [57] YTA - "oh no, she's doing my thing and she's not doing it the way I think it should be done" That's what you sound like ... Reply 12.1k
    via u/evelbug
  • 18
    theunrealisticmeme OP.2d Honestly that's a good point, it's hard for me to understand how I sound to other people. Point taken. ... 9.2k
    via u/theunrealisticmeme
  • 19
    Peeling Mirthday • 2d It's cool that you're so open to the feedback you're getting. You sound like you genuinely asked this in good faith and are taking the good and the bad into account. Not everyone has the capacity to do that. 3.6k B
    via u/PeelingMirthday
  • 20
    hubertburnette • 2d Certified Proctologist [28] I think you're NTA, but I also think the way you wrote this is causing a lot of people to misunderstand you. I think a lot of people are interpreting your "take it more seriously" as "really try to get a good time." But I don't think that's what you meant. I think you meant "take more seriously" the potential for self- injury in jumping into the 12-week training course, since that course is meant for people who are already runners. So, you're worri
    via u/hubertburnette
  • 21
    theunrealisticmeme OP.2d That's a good point, I never meant to say "you have to make a good time" but instead, "you have to take your training seriously to be prepared to run such a long-distance". I should have been more clear there. ← 1.5k
    via u/theunrealisticmeme
  • 22
    TheFinalDeception • 1d This was my line of thinking. Giving practical advice to someone on the realities of what they are undertaking and how to safely prepare seems very supportive to me. If my partner was going to do something difficult that I'm familiar with and they are going about it in a way that I think will lead to injuries I would consider it a moral obligation to help them understand the risks of how they are preceeding. At worst, he communicated poorly. He also immediately dropped it
    via u/TheFinalDeception
  • 23
    Squeeky Owl • 2d YTA. It's just a half marathon. She can walk it if she wants. She can quit if she wants. She can sleep in instead if she wants. There's no consequence for not running a half marathon that she signed up for. It's not even that big of a commitment. No one (except you) are going to care if she doesn't do it.
    via u/SqueekyOwl
  • 24
    The only risk is if she doesn't train, and pushes her body too hard at the marathon and hurts herself. Rather than acting like she should become an avid runner just because she signed up for a half marathon, you should support her decision to participate in the marathon at her comfort level in a safe way. She isn't risking injury yet, so you were out of line with your lectures. As for taking the commitment seriously, give me a break. Running is your hobby, not her life's work. Reply 1.1k
    via u/SqueekyOwl
  • 25
    Mbt Omega 2d • NTA, folks that haven't done long races like this don't realize what the pounding and stress can do to an unprepared person. My friend, who was very fit in other ways, was taken out of commission athletically for years by doing a long race without adequate prep, and still has recurring pain. He only felt exhausted during the race, the problems started the next day, so he wouldn't have known to bail to protect himself. Your gf doesn't know this, and the YTA people don't either, but
    via u/Mbt_Omega

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